Ray and Joy (Part 2)

RAY :

In Proverbs 22:6, it says and I quote "Train a boy in a way he should go; even when he is old, he will not reserve from it" end of quote.

As my world continued to revolve, I began my college life in Digos in 1982. I experienced a paradigm shift, That is, I was already living with my parents, younger brothers and sisters. But, I had a hard time adjusting my relationship with them. I was happy that I was with my family in Digos, but I still felt there was something missing. I felt I was being discriminated against them because I was a new comer, having lived in Cebu for quite sometime. Uncomfortable as I was then, I had no choice but to stay with my family because I could not live independently from them. I could not establish intimate relationship with them except for Mama who was very understanding and readily listened to me. It was different with Papa. We always had a clash of ideas with Papa. I did my best for him but my best was not good enough as far as he was concerned.

God has His own way of molding my life. I was challenged and I opted to create my own world. During my college days, I had established a little business. The earnings from which was sufficient to finance my school allowances and other personal necessities. It was my way of letting my parents know that I was not a burden to them.

JOY :

I became uncertain whether I can pursue with my college education due to financial difficulties. So, I entertained the idea of entering the religious life, particularly the Sister Handmaids of Charity. This is also my way of escaping from our chaotic family life. But my mother strongly disagreed because of her religious affiliation at Jehovah's Witness.

I had a scholarship grant from the MSU-Iligan (Mindanao State University), but I cannot leave my sick mother. I also had a 1/3 scholarship at the Ateneo de Davao University, but we cannot afford the other school expenses. With my Mama's consent, we again resorted to borrowing of money from the loan sharks and I enrolled at Cor Jesu College. The first semester was very hard for us since I was not a scholar, but on the 2nd semester until 4th year, I was a consistent Dean's lister and gained full scholarship. To make sure that my parents will not pay my tuition fee, in case my academic scholarship falters, I joined the school band as the lead majorette. This way, I still have my band scholarship as a fall back. In Hebrew 10:36 it says and I quote "You need to be patient in order to do the will of God and received what He promises," end of quote.

I graduated Bachelor of Science in Commerce major in Accounting as Magna Cum Laude. Unfortunately, I was unable to take up the CPA board examination due to financial constraints.

RAY :

My mother tried to bridge the gap of my relationship with my family. She encouraged me to attend the charismatic renewal movement in 1982. She taught me how to pray and to pave the way in understanding my father's attitude. Somehow, through Mama's compassionate heart and constant advises and guidance, the feelings of anger, emptiness and broken heartedness, which I harbored up until then, slowly disappeared from my being.

My mother was a nun, but fell in love with a handsome guy similar to the one standing in front of you. She continued her vocation not in the convent but in a teaching career at the Davao del Sur National High School. I even thought then that my mother was the head of our family because she always led the family in prayer, brought us to church and guided our spiritual development.

JOY :

While in college, I met a handsome guy who was introduced to me by my board mate. I confided with my mother about the guy's intention. Afraid that I will enter the religious life she approved our relationship. Ray and I became sweethearts on December 6, 1986. Ray is a very romantic guy that he would send me flowers every 6th of the month from that time until now, but the date changed after our marriage … it is now every 10th of the month. For the past 20 years, most of the flowers he gave me were because of love, while some were cover ups for his extra curricular activities outside our marriage.


RAY :

Having been healed of my family relationship, I felt I had a spiritual momentum and ask the Lord for a gift. True enough, God gave me Joy. Hulog sya nang langit para sa akin. In Matthew 7:7 it says and I quote, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it will be opened to you," end of quote.

The time I met Joy were the trying times of our family. We were suffering financial crisis because my father was affected by the change in government following the 1986 EDSA revolution. Despite this family crisis, I was unaffected because my attention was focused on this very attractive college freshman girl who was a lead majorette at Cor Jesu College Band. I was very excited of my love affair with Joy. I felt that the real love had come to my life and made me forget what is happening to the rest of the world around me. I considered Joy as real love in the sense that she is God's Gift, my "GG." I have experienced puppy love or kitten love before Joy but all those were mere infatuations. In the case of Joy, it was something much more profound, perfect and complete. She put some color into my life … and I began to appreciate the beauty of life. My mother noticed that I was blooming not in my studies but in my love life. She was not worried about this situation because she thought I was in good hands. In fact, it was an answered prayer for Mama, since she loved Joy too, because they were of the same blood chemistry. They met at the mass almost everyday at the church. Joy had been asking guidance from God for the preservation of our relationship. My thirst and hunger for love and affection was answered by our relationships. We shared the ups and downs and our expectations with our parents. It was really a perfect combination because we were inspired by each other.

Our college love affair lasted for two years because I graduated two years ahead of Joy. Right after graduation, I decided to leave home and tried to find myself a job. Joy was instrumental in my employment at Padada where her family lived. I was welcomed by her parents and I was glad for that. In retrospect, I must say that God's plan for me was truly a wonderful design.

On June 10, 1989, after about four sweet years of our relationship and just a few months after Joy graduated with distinction from college, we decided to settle down. My mother showed no objection to our planned wedding. She even encouraged me to go ahead knowing that Joy was my "GG". Not wishing to impose the burden of getting married to my parents, I used my savings to cover the expenses of our wedding.

For the first three years of our married life, we stayed in Padada. These were the critical adjustment period for us as a married couple. My work then as a traveling salesman for RTW Garments, required that I move from place to place, a situation I considered detrimental to our relationship. Despite this difficult situation, we were able to remain steadfast in our relationship. Perhaps it was really God's plan that was able to sustain our union through those trying times.

God is really good. He is always been true to me. He always prepared the transition events of my life. He stabilized first my personal life before he took my mother away at the early age of 48, one year after our marriage. By that time, I had already established a good relationship with my parents in law. In Proverbs 3:6 it says and I quote "Remember the Lord in everything you do and he will show you the right way," end of quote.

With the reality of Mama's absence in our family, I focused my attention to reconciling with my father, a move which I realized was most important in achieving a complete healing of relationships. Again, I saw the manifestation of God's influence when the cordiality of father-son relationship between me and my father was restored. The reconciliation process went on smoothly so much so that on the seventh year after mama's death, we encouraged Papa to have a second family. From this second marriage, Papa had two children, my half brothers.

Two years after our marriage, Joy gave birth to our first child, a daughter whom we named Cindy Rayjoys. It was at this time that I decided to seek employment abroad. So I went to Saudi Arabia in search for that proverbial greener pasture. However, I realized that being away from the family was hardly an ideal arrangement. I was very troubled and disturbed at the thought that what happened between me and my parents would be replicated in my relationship with my daughter. With this relationship, I decided to brake the contract with my employer and went home after staying in Saudi Arabia for almost two years. Again, God was there to guide me in making a very crucial decision in my life. After that incident, I promised my family that I would never be away from them again.

JOY :

As we started to build again a family upon Ray's return, we experienced several problems in the areas of health and finances. The health and wellbeing of my parents continued to be a big concern on my part. Although my brother was now a seaman, he was already married. I still look up to my parents' medical needs and living expenses when the need arises. I thank God for having Ray who was understanding and very supportive.

I was also blessed with a good professional career. After my graduation in college, I was hired by the Lapanday Group of Companies assigned at their plant expansion. Looking for a greener pasture in March 1, 1993, I transferred to the Department of Trade and Industry, where I was hired as a Financial Analyst. I praise and thank God that in my young age I was promoted as Senior Trade and Industry Development Specialist. I was also blessed to avail of a scholarship from JICA (Japan International Cooperation Agency). It was a one-month study tour in Japan in 2000. Indeed, God is good! (to be concluded)